Missing some ...

i cause my own
and say it's true that i did it
all on my own to do
to say i tried, now only to cry
i cared so much , consumed
controlled by worry,
 how could i be your angel too
guard you against all odds
i could only be your Mom
a Mom who could not fly
and then my fave guy
some angel must of turned their head
a mistake...
 for you to die?
continued worry
i enjoy that now
i miss that feeling
i could see and  touch your face
here, real and warm
i made that mistake
i couldn't hold on and keep you so very safe
i could only worry and now
i shake, my head, my hands shake too
i shake my fists at the sky
wanting and craving you....i crave only you....
lost  the only you
no worries for the one i  call my son
instead deep dread.....all placed so neatly inside my head...my heart
playing out my new life
when the old life is where i would rather live
with you.