Missing some ...

i cause my own
and say it's true that i did it
all on my own to do
to say i tried, now only to cry
i cared so much , consumed
controlled by worry,
 how could i be your angel too
guard you against all odds
i could only be your Mom
a Mom who could not fly
and then my fave guy
some angel must of turned their head
a mistake...
 for you to die?
continued worry
i enjoy that now
i miss that feeling
i could see and  touch your face
here, real and warm
i made that mistake
i couldn't hold on and keep you so very safe
i could only worry and now
i shake, my head, my hands shake too
i shake my fists at the sky
wanting and craving you....i crave only you....
lost  the only you
no worries for the one i  call my son
instead deep dread.....all placed so neatly inside my head...my heart
playing out my new life
when the old life is where i would rather live
with you.

My Friend

•           My Friend
        you look awesome....

      not fair
•    your place looks nice
•    i love that you keep going
•        can you hear my typing
•        what are you gonna cook
•    i'm touching your face
• 
          i love that you are just the same
•         what?
•        yeah
•       the door.
•            that's cool
•              can you feel him
•              hhe's so around
•     'hes a guy
•        k 

Mother Nature Closing Her Eyes.........

Mother Nature is taking such a beating...man has only populated this earth for approximately 250,000 years and look what we have done to her! Our footprints trod so heavily without regard to her health and well-being. The impact we make, directly relates to our human and animal populations’ health and well-being. With this in mind, I believe Mother Nature will close her eyes, not give in, but lie dormant. Her surrender will be temporary, because she knows she will have her chance to be healthy, to bloom in all of her natural beauty once again. The earth has existed for over 600 million years. We cannot fathom waiting thousands of years for her to begin her own fight back. For Mother Nature, thousands of years will be a blink of an eye.

Harley

My son Harley would "freak" if he knew
that i was like "this"!

He'd say Mom Mom you really have to fight "this"I did not want to ruin your life
remember before when all seemed so right!

But now my sweet son all i see is wrong
nothing is right
as i lay awake in bed
thinking bad thoughts of your last night
But Mom Mom you did everything right
you had no control
over what happened to me my last night
so please don't loose sight
never give up the fight
to be the Mom I always knew
before my last night
their are other's who need you
be here for them for me for you

Mom Mom
I know that the tears you cry are for me
but try to stop crying and then you'll see
we did share time together
you and me
21  years filled with love is what i see
so be there for me for i am by your side
a part of you so alive

Mom Mom i hope one day you'll be back, promise
 you'll see
 you can be a good mom
and live on for me,

the level

tell it like it is
what have i got to loose
on this Saturday
my mind running free
watching the world roll bye
and good-bye
 and all the time
seeing a sign
like water for sale
and all the salt water
that a whale needs
to roam free
followed around by a
crowd of need
a huge crowd of needy people
fighting for food
a flight for shelter
a fight for dignity
for we are grounded
no escape from our stance
no romance
with our leaders
leading like there is no
tomorrow
as they borrow against tomorrow
all the money
could be air
they don't care
are we maybe
being dared
should we  maybe
be
kind-of scared

I was doing an on-line tarot card reading for someone...while i shuffled the deck i was reading an article about Amy Winehouse, her passing away and all. I then laid the cards out and thought, no way this can't be right,..my heart started to race, the reading actually upset me....then i realized i had probably done Amy Winehouse's reading instead...because that's who i was concentrating on?! Now back to the task at hand!

Equal

wise of mind, young at heart
 cool not to grow up
 a miserable old fart
driving slow around town
in our mind it's the gas
can't go fast
living in the past
things have quadrupled in price
like a measely bowl
of chicken fried rice
can't want to remember when
how long it's been since
a mirror was joy
instead of a slightly
obscene ploy
to wear me down
and my toy
worked well
in it's day
did i say?
oh well
which way is hell?
or am i" livin' it" 
as grama use to say
our heaven and hell
we lived everyday
i believed that women
as she slurded her way
through her life
some unlucky guy's wife
that was my granpa
almost an olympic swimmer in his day
swam often all around the bay
may have died because of all the toxins
i say..that where and are still
in the bay
 his poor liver gave way
and never drank at all
in his day
and now it's my turn
to forget what i said
feeling very sore
as i lay in my bed thinking
out-loud
in my head
feeling the pressure to give up my space
on the earth
not to waste
my home sweet home's
precious space

since my first breath until
 it's my last
i thank-you...dear life
for now
forever
and the past.....